The Sheikh's Illicit Affair Page 5

  “I meant for my studio. My studio is having its first recital soon.”

  “Oh. That’s nice.”

  Her mother’s placating tone raised the hairs on the back of Megan’s neck. She tried her hardest, but was unable to keep from getting defensive. Her rage burned hotter, years of fuel ready to catch fire at the tiniest spark.

  “Mom. My studio is very successful. It’s been named one of the top ten in all of Manhattan.”

  “I’m sure it is.”

  Was her mother deliberately trying to make her angrier? She might be; it would be just like her to do something like that. If she stayed calm while her daughter got angry, it would make Megan seem like the childish, out-of-control one. This was a game her mother loved, and she exceled at it.

  “It is! I’m not just saying this. I was in the paper and everything. I know you read the Times still.”

  “On occasion.”

  “Well, I was in there last month. Didn’t you see it?”

  “I don’t recall.”

  Megan let her head drop. Why did her mother always have to be so difficult?

  “I thought that would make you happy. Something to show to your friends.”

  “I wouldn’t dream of reminding them that you refused a decent education, moved to the city, and refuse to get married, even though you’re pushing thirty. I’d just as soon hope they forgot.”

  “I’m only 28.”

  “Oh, don’t remind me. At this rate, I’ll never have grandkids.”

  Megan’s heart leapt at this. Her mother did want grandkids, then. Maybe she would turn out to be the crazy grandparent type, after all.

  “Well, Mom, what if you were to become a grandparent?”

  “Are you pregnant? Oh, good Lord. Please tell me you’re not pregnant out of wedlock.”

  The flutter in her heart died.

  “No, Mother. I’m not pregnant. But I’d like to be.”

  “Oh. Are you calling to ask me to set you up?” Her mother’s voice was suddenly much more cheerful. “The MacKenzie boy just ended a relationship. I don’t think he’s too particular.”

  “No, I don’t want to be set up. I was thinking of just going out and sleeping with the first guy I could find.”

  She shouldn’t have said it. The truth of what was she planning might be worse, but going about things from this angle wouldn’t benefit her. And it certainly wouldn’t convince her mother to think differently of the situation.

  “Well aren’t you a regular comedian,” her mother said flatly.

  “What if I did? What if I just showed up pregnant and wasn’t married?”

  Her mother let out a long sigh. “So, you are pregnant.”

  “No, I’m not. But what would you do if I were?”

  “I’m not going to play games with you, Megan. Are you pregnant or not?”

  “I’m not.”

  “Thank God. At least you managed to do one thing right. Stay on that birth control and make sure it stays that way until you have a husband.”

  “Right. I’ll do just that.” Megan shook her head sadly; she hadn’t expected that the conversation would go very well, but she hadn’t thought it would go this badly. “Okay, Mother. I guess I’m gonna go. I just wanted to say hi and see how you were. You seem to be just as fine as always.”

  “We are, thank you for calling.”

  The phone beeped and Megan looked down at it. Her mother had ended the call.

  It took more than a few deep breaths for Megan to calm down. She didn’t want to cry over this. Her mother had made her cry far too many times, and she wouldn’t give her the satisfaction now, even if she knew she couldn’t see her, and would never know.

  She felt like a pouty child stopping her foot. She wanted to scream, “But, I am successful, Mommy!” She could almost hear the whine in her voice.

  No wonder her mother hadn’t responded well, she thought bitterly. Maybe if she said nothing, but invited her mother to a baby shower when the time came, that would have the effect she wanted. Maybe her mother would call her, upset, asking why she hadn’t known who the father was, and why Megan kept her grandchild a secret for so long.

  No, but that’s what normal parents did. Normal parents cared and wanted to know what was going on in their kids’ lives. Not her parents. They wanted a daughter who would benefit them. And Megan only brought them farther down.

  And a grandbaby out of wedlock would be no different. She’d been crazy to think it would be. They wouldn’t change and become doting grandparents. No. Her child would be one more thing that made them look bad to others. She could already hear the gossip. “Megan had a baby.” “No, there’s no father, can you believe it?” “One-night stand, I heard.” “Her poor parents. They must be heartbroken.”

  No. But she was. Heartbroken for the parents she never had. The childhood she missed out on. The love that was so painfully missing in every way. If it wasn’t for the love of her friends and the love of her job, she’d be completely loveless. Life wouldn’t have meaning.

  But she did have Rachel and her other friends. She had a studio full of students who loved her and thought she was the best teacher in the world. She had a newspaper article framed in her office that proved she was successful, even in the eyes of the upscale Manhattanites who weren’t all that easy to please, either. She’d accomplished a lot in a year. Now she wanted someone to share that life with; someone who would recognize all she’d done and all she was capable of.

  Of course, Megan thoughts immediately went to Zaakir. She tried to force herself to stop; she was never going to see him again. He would be married any day now, and Megan had no doubt that he’d fall in love, and that his bride would fall in love with him. How could she not? Zaakir was a catch, and any woman would be lucky to have him. She knew if she had him, she’d never stop feeling lucky. Not for a single day of her life.

  She didn’t have Zaakir, or any man. And that little fact could either hold her back from having a baby, or she could refuse to let it. She hadn’t let her parents hold her back from living her dream, so why would she let the absence of a husband hold her back from this? She could be her own family. Just her and her child. Who knows, maybe she’d have a few children. And they’d be happy and loved. Real love like the kind you only find in a family.

  The more Megan thought about it - about all Zaakir had said about love and about how a family should be - the more she convinced herself that now was the time. She could make that appointment. She could go into a sperm bank and have her own baby. On her own. She didn’t need anyone’s help or approval.

  She went to her computer and brought up the website of the sperm bank she’d been reading about. She typed in the phone number, saved it in her phone for future reference, and hit Call.

  It rang three times before a female voice answered.

  “Hi, I’d like to make an appointment for a consultation, please.”

  “I’d be glad to help you with that. Which of our services are you interested in?”

  “I’d like to talk to someone about purchasing donor sperm.” Saying it felt weird, but Megan smiled; she was making the first step towards having a child.

  “Great. When would you like to come in? I have an opening tomorrow evening.”

  “That’s perfect.”

  Megan gave the woman her information and saved the appointment in her phone’s calendar.

  She hung up and sat, thinking. She’d read enough to know that it didn’t always take the first time, and that she’d need to find a doctor. That would be her next step, assuming everything went well at the consultation. But, if everything did go perfectly, a year from now, she could be holding a baby in her arms. Her apartment could be filled with highchairs and strollers and baby toys. One year from now, she could be a mom. Tears came to her eyes and she breathed through them, laughing, and dreaming.

  SEVEN

  “I did it!” Megan said excitedly, holding her cellphone to her ear.

  “Did what?” Rachel as
ked.

  “I am walking right now to my consultation at the sperm bank.” She turned the corner onto the next block, swinging her free arm cheerfully at her side.

  There was a long silence. Then, “Megan. What happened to thinking about things for a while?”

  “This is only the consultation. I’m going mostly to get more information so that I can make the best decision. There’s only so much info online, you know? I want to talk to them and see the facility.”

  “Okay, I guess that’s fair. If everything goes well, how soon will you get the sperm and everything?”

  Megan dropped her voice. This wasn’t exactly the most appropriate conversation to be having while walking down the crowded sidewalk. “Well, I have to find a doctor to do the insemination and everything and schedule it. And then there’s the bigger problem. I have to pay for all this. Insurance won’t cover anything until I’m pregnant.”

  “It is expensive?”

  “Expensive enough. I’ll have to save up. But I have a savings plan. I sat down earlier and figured out my bills and what I can afford to put away each month. I don’t think it’ll take too long, and the money I made on Zaakir’s lessons will give me a boost.”

  “Wow,” Rachel said. “Okay then. You’re really doing this. Megan, you’re going to be a mom.”

  She broke into a huge grin and giggled. “I know! So are you. We’ll be moms together!”

  “Well, we are so starting a mom’s group. And this will make your Mommy and Me classes more interesting. You’ll have your own child there.”

  “I know.” Megan took in a breath and sighed dreamily.

  “Is this the type of thing where you can pick if you want a girl or a boy?”

  “Well, no. I don’t think I would pick, though.”

  “You wouldn’t? I thought you’d want a girl. A little ballerina.”

  “I wouldn’t pick, no. I like the idea of fate choosing my child for me. And besides, plenty of boys dance. If he wanted to do sports, I’d be fine with that, and even if I had a daughter, there’s no guarantee she’d be into dance. I didn’t exactly take after my parents.”

  “Yeah, well. Yours don’t have the most interesting career goals.”

  “Their goal is and always has been whatever will make the most money.”

  She stood for a moment, looking up at the building that housed the sperm bank. The logo was on the glass door, beside large photo displays across the front of the building.

  “I know,” Rachel said. “And that’s why you didn’t want to do it their way. Doing the thing you love is always far better.”

  “Very true. Okay. Well, I just got here. Wish me luck!”

  “Good luck, future mommy!” Rachel made a kissy noise and Megan made one back before hanging up.

  Megan smoothed down her shirt and stepped forward to open the door. Inside, the building was clean and elegant. The walls were a crisp white and many had more of the large photos of smiling children and families. A long desk ran along the far wall, and several comfortable-looking chairs sat off to either side. The color palette was pastels in soothing colors. Clearly, they were going for comforting and peaceful with their décor.

  She approached the smiling woman behind the desk. “Hi, I’m Megan Van Lieden. I have an appointment for a consultation.”

  “Okay, sure.” The woman typed on her computer, then furrowed her eyebrows. “Megan, you said?”

  “Yes.”

  Another few moments went by. “Is there any chance it could be under a different name?”

  “No, that’s my only name.”

  “And it was for what time?”

  “Umm, 5:30. I think I talked to you yesterday, actually. On the phone.”

  The woman looked up at her for a moment. “Oh, right. Your voice does sound familiar, and I do remember entering your name. I can’t find your appointment, though. Please bear with me one second.”

  The woman got up and went through a doorway off to the right. Megan looked around, glancing over brochures and reading the ads on the wall again and again while she waited. It was several minutes before the woman came back.

  “I am so sorry, Megan. There seems to have been some sort of mix up. Your appointment was never entered into the system, so it didn’t get scheduled. I was checking just now to see if we could fit you in, but all of our consultants are already booked. We’ll have to schedule you a consultation for another time. I do apologize.”

  “Oh, okay.” The disappointment dropped into her heart like lead. Well, that’s okay, she thought. This didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t all some huge sign from the heavens that I’m making a mistake. Right?

  The woman looked at her computer screen, typing away. “I have some timeslots free early next week. Monday or Tuesday?”

  “Sure. Monday is fine.”

  “Okay, great. I definitely have you in there now for Megan Van Lieden for Monday at 5:30. Once again, I’m so sorry about the mix up.”

  Megan walked outside in somewhat of a daze. She tried to let the disappointment go. This had only been a consultation, after all. Nothing major would have happened other than she’d ask some questions and get some information. And besides, it’d take a few months for her to save up for the procedure, so it wasn’t like this really held anything back. So, why did her stomach hurt?

  She took out her phone to call Rachel back. “Me again.”

  “Hey, that was quick.”

  “I didn’t have the consultation. Something got messed up and they didn’t have me in the system.”

  “Oh. So, did you reschedule?”

  “I did. For Monday.” She let silence fall between them for a few seconds. “I think, though, that this bothers me. It feels like a sign.”

  “Megan. This is not a sign. This is a mix up in scheduling.”

  “I know, but it feels like a sign. I tried to reconcile with my parents, thinking mentioning a grandchild would work and it didn’t. Now I try to make an appointment to get information and that doesn’t work, either. Both of the steps I tried to take toward this have failed.”

  “You know what I find interesting?”

  “What?”

  “It’s like you’re looking for an excuse not to go through with it. You’re seeing all these signs everywhere. Maybe that in itself means something. Maybe you’re secretly hoping someone will stop you. That someone will give you an out.”

  “No, Rach’, I really want to do this.”

  “Megan. Listen to yourself. An appointment got moved back a few days and you think it’s a grand sign that you shouldn’t be moving forward, or that something is trying to stop you. Did you really think your parents were going to come around after all these years of being so difficult? No, you knew that was never going to happen. But you’re letting these things bring you down. I just wonder if there isn’t a deeper reason.”

  “But the consultation was going to help me think about it, remember? It’s about getting answers.”

  “Okay, well get your answers and think about it for a while. Really think this through, despite whatever signs you might be seeing. There is no undoing this once you go there.”

  “I know.”

  “It’s not just your life that’s affected by this. There’s a child involved now. Well, there will be. You know what I mean.”

  “I do.” Megan let out a sigh and opened the door to her building. “You’re right. I did make the decision quickly. But I’ll have the consultation, and it’ll take me at least three months to save up to pay for everything. Maybe longer. So that’s at least three months of really thinking it through.”

  “That sounds like a good plan.”

  “Oh! And another thing.” Megan stepped onto her landing and turned toward her door. “I’ll get to spend time with your baby and see how mommy really life is. That might help me decide more than anything else.”

  “True. Very true. After you see me as a zombie from not sleeping, maybe you’ll decide beauty sleep is more important. And hey, you
can always borrow my kid for the night so I can sleep.”

  Megan laughed. “We’ll see. Maybe if I decide that I want the practice.”

  EIGHT

  For the next few days, Megan’s thoughts were a tangle of Zaakir and her possible future child. As she danced through her studio, she thought of them both. She pictured how she and Zaakir had looked dancing together in the studio’s mirrors. She saw them in the bar together, his smile and his smooth accent. But then she pictured her dance classes with her youngest students: the Mommy and Me classes, and beginners’ ballet. In a few years, she might have a child that age, dancing in a class like that.